I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
