I skipped work to stalk him.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
