I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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