Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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