She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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