First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
