dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
