I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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