Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
