im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize