that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
