they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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