Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
