Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
