I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
