You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
