she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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