he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
