omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He kissed a someone with a penis
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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