just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
