I'm jealous of your bromance
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
