I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
