So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
