I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
