I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
