omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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