i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
