That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
