You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
