You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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