Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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