all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
