im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
