Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
