he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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