no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
