so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
