im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize