the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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