she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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