I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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