Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Non-Jews are for practice
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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