1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
