Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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