I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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