You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
