Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Holy sore nipples Batman
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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