i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
