operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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