i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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