I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
