When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
