You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
