Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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