wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
