a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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