last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
