i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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