READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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