We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
