Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
