Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
