My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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