I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
