Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
