you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
