Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
