I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
