she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
