addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
