I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
