Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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