Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Be still, my beating vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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