There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
