Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize