She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
