people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
