I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
