you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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