I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
