Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
