I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
