I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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