I swear she didn't look like that last week.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
