absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
