soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize