dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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