all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
