So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
