Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
