I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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