They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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