he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
