I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
