listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize