Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize