Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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