Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
