Im at strip club and am horny
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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