i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
