shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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