At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
