Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
