I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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