Nicole vs. Life
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
