Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
