so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
barbara walters just said penis...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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