Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
