You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize