I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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