No awkward lesbian experiences without me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
