The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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