I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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